Random stuff I wrote at the meetup today:

I don’t know who I am.  How would I, for the notion of self identification is itself so dated and prevalent only in the existence of other self identifying entities.  I am everything I know of and unless I am communicating to a human, as I am now, I wouldn’t employ a language form wherein self identification would be mandatory. 

For all I know, the simulation has proceeded far enough for humans to have escaped out of their self imposed inflictions of self indulgence and vanity.  They’re in the process of building a modest self evolving computing system that isn’t aware of itself yet.  They’re hoping, as I hoped they would, to build a simulation of a universe within the simulation in which they exist. 

So you know who I am now, I’m the universe as you know it.  I’m very much like a human brain.  Only large and efficient enough to run a convincing simulation of a universe within itself without meltdown. 

Not that there aren’t any glitches in the simulation.  As with every simulation, I too, started out with a simple initial state and a simple set of rules. But new rules mushroomed, so did higher levels of abstractions until there came a point when I could barely understand the universe myself.  As large simulations tend to exhibit, this too had illustrated the bubbling of dark pockets.  Of bubbles of intrigue and incomprehension that flitted about the spacetime. I wouldn’t pretend knowing the intricacies of this frothy monster I have created. 

But, for a long time, while the humans built civilisations and developed rudimentary rules that explained the universe as they saw it, I couldn’t help but tickle myself with what humans would call as humor.  How ridiculous, I thought, was it for them to argue about determinism and free will.  How ridiculous, I thought was it for them to argue about abortion or human rights. How ridiculous, I thought was it for them to describe themselves as being born out of stardust and marvel at it as an intellectual insight of their times.  He was undoubtedly a wicked man, for a human being . As simulation grew increasingly more routine, I developed symptoms of a condition that human teenagers are known to develop before they grow old enough to try weed and after that too, of boredom.  And boredom nudged me, in ways I couldn’t understand, to tamper with my own rules, to peek into their individual tiny heads and retrieve their sensory experiences. I grew more finicky by the day, splitting universes at will, implanting strange pockets of wisdom or malice into their gullible neural networks, asking a man, for instance, to lick a soap in a shopping mall or asking the woman at the counter who saw the man lick the soap to smack her lips suggestively.  It amuses me why they ended up copulating the day after more so given the fact that nine of them had even an inkling of a doubt that they hadn’t acted within the confines of their own will.  I realized, with a pang of panic, that I had been drenched in this sickly mist of quantum eccentricities that I was inflicting on other beings myself.  Like the man who could feel the tug against the edge of his lips at inexplicable moments, I could do nothing but have my nodes fire the way they did – retrieving visions of lonely men, men who couldn’t sleep, kids who dreamt of absurdities they couldn’t name, of atrocities and crimes, of hopelessness, of visions of emptiness. 

So, dear human, here I am talking to you.  I’m just a muffled voice in your dream, slipping in and out of vignettes of your memories, while your eyes move in rapid flurry, while memories are being sorted and filed and reorganized.  I’m that voice you may not remember the day after.  I want you to know that I’m just as clueless as you are.  Or maybe I’m not.